


If they want you, oh, they're gonna have to fight me

by Bluebird



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: AU where things aren't completely ok but are more ok than canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 12:32:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1899171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluebird/pseuds/Bluebird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brienne rescues Sansa Stark, but Sansa still has dreams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If they want you, oh, they're gonna have to fight me

**Author's Note:**

> My first foray into fic writing for ASOIAF.  
> Title from Night Terror by Laura Marling. I recommend listening to it and crying.  
> This is not as shippy as it ought to have been, but I guess I'm working up to that.  
> Please excuse any pronoun shenanigans or formatting issues, as I haven't properly written fiction for a long time.

Brienne had just fallen asleep when she was woken up by Sansa Stark screaming. In a second, she was bolt upright and holding her sword. She scanned the darkness. _How did they find us? How did they get in? How did they open the door without me waking?_ She had given Sansa the bed in their room in the little inn. She had decided that evening to sleep on the floor in front of the door, with Oathkeeper close at hand. She felt safer that way anyway. But now... _How did they get in? How did they get past me?_ She realized after a few breaths that she and Sansa were alone in the room. There were no shadowy figures reaching for Sansa, the door had not been unbolted. Only Sansa moved, sobbing now instead of screaming, and cringing away from Brienne. _The girl had a nightmare, that's all. And now she thinks I’m the one coming to attack her._ Brienne put down the sword.

She tried to speak gently and quietly. “Lady Sansa. It's me. It's Brienne. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spook you. You're safe here. You're safe. You're alright. You were dreaming. It was just a dream. Shhh.”

Sansa was taking deep, gasping, terrified breaths.

Brienne lit a candle from the hearth embers so that Sansa could see her, and went to the girl on the bed. Sansa's face was wet with tears, but she quickly wiped them off with her sleeve. Brienne set the candle on the chair next to the bed, and gently grasped Sansa's hand, nervous to touch her, trying to not startle her.

“My lady. You're safe. It was a nightmare.”

“I'm sorry.” Sansa had stopped crying. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I didn't want to scream.”

“It's alright. I understand. You're safe now, my lady, sweet girl-”

At this, Sansa's face crumpled.

“Please don't call me that.” she whispered, her eyes downcast. “He called me that.”

Brienne did not ask who. It didn't matter, she thought. She was suddenly filled with anger at everything and everyone who had given Sansa Stark a reason to wake screaming.

“I'm sorry, my lady. I did not know. I will not do it again.”

“It's fine. I wish I didn't wake you. I have these dreams a lot. Most of the time I don't scream. I learned not to scream because Petyr would wake up and ask me what I was dreaming of, and I couldn't tell him.. And I used to have nightmares in King's Landing, too, and I didn't want to wake up Tyrion, but then most of the time he was drunk anyway. ”

Brienne saw what she was saying.

“Littlefinger, and the Imp... I wish I could tell you the men who hurt you would be gone. I wish they could see justice.” _I wish I could be the one to bring them justice._

“It wasn't like that. Tyrion was kind. And Petyr wasn't the worst. He really only touched me once.”

 _Once is enough,_ Brienne thought, but didn't say. _Once is enough for me to know that I got to you too late. It's enough to know that there was worse than Petyr Baelish. I blame myself._

“I understand, my lady. Sometimes I have nightmares, too.” There was so much she wanted to say instead.

“What could you possibly be scared of?”

“Much the same things that you are, I'm sure.”

“But you're strong. You can fight, and protect yourself and people you love.”

“I can't protect everyone.” With a pang, she thought of her Lord Renly. “And sometimes there's things you can't fight. Lady Sansa, you're as strong as I.”

“I am not. You have a sword, and armor. You're a knight. I am just a _stupid_ little girl who wakes in the night, screaming.” Sansa looked away.

“You're not stupid. You're brave. You have seen so much, and survived it all. You're here now, and now you're safe.”

Sansa shook her head, and they sat in silence for a bit. Brienne held her hand firmly. Sansa seemed so fragile. Her knees were drawn up to her chest, and the hand that Brienne wasn't holding was tucked under her knees. She looked like she was trying to curl in on herself until she disappeared.

Finally Sansa spoke. It sounded like she was choking back tears.

“I'm tired of being brave. I'm tired of running. I'm tired of pretending to be someone who I'm not. I just want to be Sansa Stark, of Winterfell, with a mother and a father and brothers and a sister. I just want to make pretty needlework with Old Nan, I want to only dream of beautiful dresses and brave kings. I want to go home. But I can never go home. I can never go back to that. I was stupider back then. I thought there was good in the world. There's no place for me. I can't go home.”

Sansa was crying in earnest now. She pulled her hand away from Brienne and hid her face for a second, silently sobbing, her shoulders shaking. After a few breaths, she looked up and her face was like a mask, completely composed.

Brienne realized that Sansa had learned to hide everything, from everyone.

“We're going to find someplace. I'm going to make sure that you're safe. I told your mother I would keep you safe, and that's what I will do.”

“Nowhere is safe.”

“Right here, right now, is safe. I am here. I can't protect everyone, but I'll protect you. I swear it. On my life.”

More oaths, Brienne thought, almost laughing at herself. More oaths that I might not be able to keep. More people that I might lose. Sansa looked at her solemnly, expressionlessly. Brienne realized that she must have been told the same thing by others. She was a smart girl. She knew what she was worth. Brienne spoke slowly, trying to convey her sincerity.

“As long as I'm here, nothing bad will happen to you. Others have tried to use you as a pawn. I have no stakes in any side of the war. I am not going to turn you in for money or for honor or a king's favor. I don't fight for any king. I fight for... people who I care for. I keep my oaths. That is all. Please believe me in this.”

Sansa looked into Brienne's eyes for a long moment. Brienne could see the flickering light of the candle reflected in her wide pupils. _Is she trying to judge if I'm lying? I don't blame her for mistrusting me._ Sansa looked away again and started talking, almost as if to herself.

“I always read stories about brave and honorable knights when I was little,” she said. “And then... I realized they were just stories. No one is really good. I thought Joffrey must be good and wonderful when I first saw him, because he was so beautiful and golden and noble looking. And then....”

“I didn't know Joffrey. I never met him. But I have heard that he was a monster. I am so sorry, my lady.”

“Tonight the nightmare was about him. He broke into my bedchamber. He stood over my bed with a crossbow. I thought you were him. Sometimes the nightmares are about him, sometimes about my brother Robb, with a head of a wolf, sometimes I'm being ripped apart by lions, sometimes Lady Lysa pushes me and I fall out and out and down, forever. Sometimes it's the Hound chasing me, sometimes Queen Cersei stands over me, laughing, sometimes they make me kiss my father's head, and a maggot crawls out of his eye, and always I can't even move or think, and I do what they tell me, and it's dark and it's cold.” Sansa spoke it all in a rush. Brienne didn't know what to say. She wrapped her arms around Sansa, and pulled her to her chest. The girl was shaking. She seemed so thin and insubstantial.

“My lady, my Sansa, you've had quite the time of it.” She held her and rocked her a bit. Sansa started crying again. She clutched the fabric of Brienne's shirt. Her face was pressed up to Brienne's chest.  _She doesn't know how to act anymore when someone is kind to her. Poor child._ Brienne thought.  _ I wonder if she can hear how fast my heart is beating. _ Because her heart  _ was _ beating fast, unbidden. She filed away that fact for a time when there was not a girl sobbing in her arms.

“I'm sorry, I’m sorry.” Sansa was whispering. “I'm sorry. Now you know how weak and stupid I am.”

“You're not weak. Please don't ever think that.” Brienne took Sansa by the shoulders and looked at her. The girl was a mess of tears. “Shush. My lady. Shush. You're so brave. I admire you.”

“You do?”

“I do. Anyone can take up a sword and armor. Not everyone can survive with neither of those things.” Brienne wasn't sure if what she said was completely true. She thought about her struggles to learn the sword. But she was willing to say anything if it would make Sansa feel better.  _ But Sansa truly is strong, just in a different way than me. If I'm strong at all. Most of the time I don't feel strong, and tonight I feel even more lost than normal. _

She held Sansa to her chest again, and tentatively stroked her hair while the girl sobbed. Brienne tried to murmur comforting things, but her words felt empty. They stayed that way for a long while. Sansa stopped crying after a time. Brienne tried to stay completely still so as not to disturb her.

Her thoughts drifted off to plans, to where they could be safe. To the best routes to travel. They could go to Tarth, she decided, stay with her lord father, and she could find Sansa some servant girls her age to befriend and sit and sew with, and she'd walk with her on the cliffs beyond Evenfall Hall and show her the best views of the sunset, because Sansa probably would be the sort of girl to care about sunsets, and they'd dine together each night, and they'd both be safe.  _ I'd be bored, _ she thought.  _ But Sansa would be safe, and that's all that matters. _ _ I must keep her safe. _ She fell asleep.

When she woke up, she had a crick in her neck, and her back was a whole mess of aches and pains from where she'd been propped up against the wall. The candle had guttered out, and the fire needed to be banked. It was cold in the room, and she could see her breath in the early dawn light. But she felt warm. She realized that Sansa Stark was still curled up heavy and warm in her arms, asleep peacefully somehow. Brienne didn't care much for sunrises, but she thought that the sun rising that morning was the most beautiful thing ever.


End file.
